Idol not-quite-liveblog 4/4

UPDATE: Dean's post is up and we vary greatly in our bottom three.

UPDATE 2: Tracey further explores "teh suk" that was last night's Idol.

Country night. Should be interesting what they all decide to do.

Ugh. Ryan's facial hair looks bad. It looks less like someone who's trying to be edgy and more like someone who went on a bender. Maybe he hung out w/Paula over the weekend?

Kenny Rogers looks a bit tired, but the man is awesome. I grew up with his music. Really looking forward to his comments.

Bucky playing guitar seems pretty cool. I heard somewhere that he's in a band back home and isn't the lead singer, but the guitarist. The singer of the band was too old, so everyone in the band who was young enough auditioned. Pretty neat if true.

So Taylor's up first.

Taylor: Kenny says he sounded a bit weak at first ... gotta say that I agree. Started slow, painful in points and just not strong at all.

Randy: No personality. Paula: "You're life and I wan't able to suck your soul tonight." God she looks bad. Simon: Didn't wound rehearsed. I agree with him

Safe. Boring. Lazy. Could be a bottom three week for Taylor.

Mandisa: Doesn't sound good. Just an easy rolling song for her and it doesn't fit her voice. At least it looks like she's having fun. She plays the audience well, but it's not a great vocal performance. Not bad though. Just not great.

Randy: Another intersting night. Beginning wasn't hot -- can't believe I'm agreeing with Randy again. Paula: I can't believe Randy doesn't like her. Why doesn't he drink bleach like me? Simon: Thought it was horrible ... maybe not that bad, but he's pretty on. Randy was the closest voice of reason I think.

Ryan's trying to look like someone out of Desperate Housewives? Not quite.

Maybe not bottom three material, but she needs to watch her step. Depends on what everyone else does.

Elliot: Kenny's wondering if his R&B is going to fit into the country vibe. I'm wondering that also. To start, I don't know. What's up with facial hair this week? Are the guys feeling inadequate when faced with Kenny "The Beard" Rogers? Elliot, I have a beard. I like beards. But please do yourself a favor, shave.

Uninspired song but well performed. Just doesn't come across with any feeling. I think the guy can sing, but he hasn't been conveying emotion lately.

Randy: I love it. I'm finally myself again. Paula: Do me now, you have that ... that ... abandon ... my room # is ... Simon: Good song choice, not a great vocal. A little hesitant, like you were nervous. Best so far.

Simon nails it for Elliot. He's safe though.

I'm now eating ice cream. Updates sporadic.

Paris: Oh God, she's doing that damn Con Air song. And it's not sounding good in the preview.

Flat to start. Did she raid Kellie's closet (her clothes, ugh!)? God, the whole thing is flat. Bad, bad, bad. Her climb to the sur-viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive was terrible! Both times. Not good at all. This is bottom three material here. If she doesn't get by on cutes.

Randy: Can tell this is a tough song for you. Hmm. Wonder why? Paula: You have a powerhouse, I see Joy -- she's my dealer, oops did I say that out loud? You don't own that stage. Simon: Is smoking crack.

Well, even Simon is very wrong now and then.

Ace: Kenny says he matched with the song. We'll see. "Ooh look. You can see my belt buckle. This is my cowboy outfit!"

More flat notes. But not as bad as last week. He's definitely better this week than last. But God in heaven, please, please, please, could he do a song and not do any falsetto?

Randy: Once again, hard songs to sing if you suck! Paula: I disagree, Randy. He wouldn't suck ... that's his signa, singan, signature. Simon: You chose the right song tonight.

Ryan: Ladies he's officially single. Wink. Wink.

My ice cream's getting melty.

Ooh, they're asking Pickler if she's a big ol' fake. She says it's the real her on the show. Fake ass beyotch.

Kellie: This is her world, so I have no doubts she'll do well tonight. The producers must really like her. She's doing a good job, oops I spoke to soon. She missed a couple of low notes. Definitely not in her register. With the wealth of country songs out there, why did she choose this?

Oh, well, given the lyrics, I kind of get it.

Wow, who's been teaching her eyebrow acting, Hermione? Goodness her eyebrows are far more interesting than her singing.

Randy: Blah, blah, you did good. Paula: Blah, blah, good night. Simon: Would be a shocker if you didn't do well tonight.

Well, not great, but she's safe.

Chris: I hope he shines tonight. Starting out pretty well ... it's good. But, I don't know, just not interesting. It's not his fault, it's not a very interesting song. Great vox, just uninteresting.

Randy: Check it, yo, yo, you sang it, yo. Paula: Nothing I say has any value. Simon: You chose a boring song. All of you.

And I must, again agree with Simon.

Katharine: Trying to find a bluesy country song. Hmm. If you can't meet the genre, make the genre meet you. Well, she's damn well singing better than last week. In fact, this is the best performance tonight. She's not quite at home on stage, but she's bouncy cute and that makes up for a lot.

Missed what the three talking heads had to say because of a phone call. I stand by what I said though. Very good performance.

Closing the show is our current country king:
Bucky: A real challenging song for him given the fact that there are a lot of comfortable songs he could have chosen. However, he's not doing it very well. Flat more than not. Which is sad 'cause he should have been rocking solid this week. Poor song choice for him.

Randy: Good song choice. Paula: You and Kellie shined. Simon: Not an expert on country but it sounded okay.

You know what song I didn't hear tonight? That's My Job by Conway Twitty, the best damn country song ever made. You can't sing about a good daddy and not have it be touching. Why didn't any of the guys know this. Damn good song. Bastards.

Well, this weeks bottom three is kind of tough. It's not hard to pick out who the worst three were, it's just hard to type it. The worst performers, my bottom three: Taylor, definitely; Bucky, probably; Paris, probably. My wildcard -- Ace.

Another suck week. Man, this season is turning into a suck-o-rama. If these guys can't start choosing some damn decent songs, someone needs to get in there and start choosing for them.