Friday, March 02, 2007

Fuzzy recollections

There is a time I remember waking up. I don't mean getting out of bed and starting a new day. I mean, there is a time that I remember becoming fully self aware.

This is something that is hard to explain and something I'm hesitant to talk about. But I've begun to recognize some of the same traits in my oldest daughter and it's bugging me.

When I think back on my early childhood, I have very few memories, and what memories I do have are hazy. Literally, hazy. I remember being young and feeling like I was walking through a haze. Like I had a mental cloud. Yet, there are other memories that are crystal clear. Perhaps it's the intensity of the emotions surrounding the memory -- I don't know.

What I do know is that around 12 or so, a light flicked on and it's like I was suddenly aware of things I'd never considered before. I was no longer oblivious -- this is where it gets tricky to explain. If something wasn't in the forefront of my mind, it was gone. It was like there was no long-term storage (though that's not entirely true, there was school). Basically, a general sense of inattentiveness, I guess. Then, suddenly, I had focus.

I'm hoping my daughter gets her focus soon.

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