Because I'm All About the Guitar V2 #4.5: Replay: There Be Some Spooky Guitarists

It's Halloween, so I'll go ahead and put this other post up that I did for Faster Than The World.

You know, rock and roll guitarists are, for the most part, pasty, skinny dudes with little muscle tone who got beat up a lot in high school. Maybe it’s the dedication to their instrument (yeah, right) or all the drugs (ding­-ding-ding), but whatever the case, there are a lot of scrawny six stringers out here.

And then there are the exceptions to that rule. Fat, built or just plain not-scrawny, there are many guitarists that don’t fit the stereotype that Eddie Van Halen and Randy Rhodes set. And then there are those, who for some reason or another (or several) have gone beyond the pale in contrast to the typical guitarist image. So, in this Halloween themed edition of BIAAtG, I present the following list of scary guitarists.

1. Zakk Wylde

This is what Zakk used to look like in his early days with Ozzy.

This is what he looks like now:

He went from someone who looks like they might have been the prison bitch to looking like the prison butch. It’s not hard for me to believe that Zakk regularly gets wasted and kicks people in the head. Maybe he doesn’t, but it’s a fun thing to think about. Especially if the kick-ees are members of Def Leppard and especially if it’s that one-armed drummer dude because that would be damn funny.

2.Scott Ian

Scott Ian is not scary himself, but it has been said that his goatee has developed a consciousness and that when Scott sleeps the goatee roams the Earth seeking the blood of the innocent.

Did you ever see that episode of the Tick where the Tick gets a mustache and it begins dragging him around and doing stuff in his sleep and it turns out that the mustache has sentience and it winds up hooking up with a dude who has a sentient beard? Well, Scott’s goatee is like that. Except it’s like if the goatee from that episode was a Dr. Frankenstein goatee and created a monster goatee on Scott’s face. That’s what this is like.

3.Buckethead

Admit it. You find that blank, plastic face and KFC bucket combination disturbing. And that’s not an easy thing to do. I mean, just look at Slipknot. There’s a bunch of guys that proved to us that just by putting on scary masks and playing hardcore metal doesn’t make you any less of a dork. Idiots. But I digress.

A KFC bucket and a damn plastic mask. I mean, it just feels like this is a guy who’d be backing up Michael Myers in Halloween: A Very Guitar Massacre or some shit. Add to that that the guy’s a really good guitarist and you have a freaking creepy combination.

4.C.C. DeVille

Come on. Do I really have to say anything here? I didn’t think so.

5.Keith Richards

Definitive proof that the walking dead exist. Although the dude is scary as fuck, and looks like he smells really bad, you gotta hand it to a guy that risks total evisceration by sunlight to put on a show for his fans.

Honorable Mentions:
Kerry King of Slayer, for the exact same reason as Scott Ian, except that Ian’s goatee kicked the shit out King’s beard and therefore won the spot on the list. Chris Holmes from WASP, cause anyone who could survive both drinking that much and that scene in Decline of Western Civilization Part II deserves to be feared. Dave Mustaine because anyone who can be that much of a prick and still put out music that damn good is pretty spooky. Joe Perry of Aerosmith, there is some doubt as to his walking dead status but you should probably stake his heart just to be safe.

Because I'm All About the Guitar V2 #4 - Replay: A Gallery of Ghoulish Guitars

Alright, varying from the new format a little, here's something I wrote last Halloween for Faster Than The World:

Guitarists tend to be a pretty conservative bunch.

Before you jump to any conclusions, listen to me. Look at the popular guitars through history. There hasn't been a whole lot of change in their shapes over time, has there? We get some different paint here and there, but guitarists tend to like the tried and true.

Keeping with the theme of the upcoming ghoulish holiday, I'm going to celebrate some of the more unique guitar styles that have been produced. Rock music has always had an affinity for the macabre, gothic, and downright evil, so I present 10 Ghoulish Guitars:

1. The B.C. Rich Warlock



Come on. You knew this one had to be number one. How many "evil" bands have you seen play these? King Diamond, Merciful Fate, Slayer, GWAR … the list continues. It wasn't the first evil-looking guitar, but it has definitely become the gold standard of them.

2. The J. Frog Skull and Bones guitar



The first time you saw this guitar was in the video for Dokken’s "Dream Warriors" from the Nightmare on Elm Street 3 soundtrack. Most people think that this guitar was made by ESP, and they did in fact produce a look-alike model. But the real Skull and Bones guitar is made by JFrog and is sold through Ed Roman Guitars (too lazy to hotlink … Google it beeyotches). Anyway, George Lynch was under an endorsement contract with ESP and when they shot the "Dream Warriors" video, he had to swap out the neck on the guitar. Hence the confusion.

One damn cool guitar though.

3. Jackson Roswell Rhodes guitar



The Roswell Rhodes is a twist on Jackson’s popular Randy Rhodes-style V guitar. The V itself is probably one of the top 3 "evil" guitars played in rock and metal, but this takes it a step further by using "alien" imagery. The inlays on the fretboard are crop circles and the this guitar is plated with aircraft aluminum to give it an otherworldly look. The tuners are LSR gearless precision tuners making it look all that much more different.

4. Gibon SG



The original "evil" guitar. Bands such as Black Sabbath and AC/DC are primarily responsible for the SG’s place as the original six-string symbol of all that is rotten. When originally introduced in 1961 it was supposed to be a replacement for the original Les Paul. The SG bore the name "Les Paul" for that year, but in 1962, after Les Paul's contract with Gibson lapsed, they changed the name to SG (for solid guitar).

The double cutaway gives the guitar a bat-wing appearance. And, as we all know, those flying rodent creatures of the night are just plain evil.

5. Abstract Guitars Pagan Gothic



Perhaps derivative of the SG, this modern monster is a true ghoulish delight. It is made by Ed Roman guitars and is sold with the coffin case which helps the image, of course. There are also non-gothic models of this guitar offered, but I do think this one looks most wicked.

6. Schecter S-1 Devil Tribal



This guitar, as far as I can tell, is no longer offered by Schecter. But the basic body shape is still available in their S-1 model. However, you no longer get the evil-looking headstock or this super cool tribal inlay. Not in their base Diamond series models anyway.

You can see that this guitar borrows a lot from a lot of other guitars. The body size seems very Les Paul influenced, but the double cut horns have a very SG shape to them. The headstock seems influenced by B.C. Rich. But the cool thing about Schecter is that they offered all these cool things, and really good hardware, at a very good price. At least they used to.

7. The Zorax Jackson



I'm not even sure where this guitar came from. It has to have been a custom shop order. But how neat is that? It just looks like some evil alien, fish thingy. Who would even play this? GWAR?

8. Damien Death Cross



Definitely one of the more radical ways to express your Satanic tendencies via lutherie, the Damien Death Cross is another offering from Ed Roman's Abstract Guitars. Certainly plays on themes common among the "evil." You could just picture King Diamond or Slayer throwing down on one of these.

9. Gene Simmons Axe Bass



How can you have a list of ghoulish guitars and not include the Axe bass? Luthier Steve Carr created the bass for Simmons and it has become iconic. Truly a symbol of outlandish rock and roll.

10. Heavy metal



So, you thought a fake guitar axe was enough, huh? This guitar was created by knife maker Steve Licata for Ed Roman. Roman claims that he can have custom guitars like this made by Licata starting at an economical $2,500. He says that if he were to price this one, it would go for around $6,000.

Sorry, I don’t need to chop someone’s head off while playing a blazing solo.

No because, no guitar

I have been overtaken by events. I have had no time to write, so there isn't a guitar post today. I know what I want to write and I know what I want to cover. I just haven't had the time to do it.

We had a little bit of drama yesterday involving my son. My wife called me about 8 a.m. and said she thought the boy might have a spider bite on his foot. I told her to do some research online and make an appointment if she thought it might be. I would get out of work and take him to the doctor, if necessary.

I wound up taking him, it wound up just being a puncture wound of some kind. But he did need some shots. He's the only kid I've seen get one of those finger prick things and be fascinated rather than frightened. He wanted to play with the blood coming out of his finger. Of course I'm a proud dad.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have something up this evening or tomorrow.

Big waste of my time

So, I realize I gotta get something posted up here. I had yesterday off and spent most of the weekend painting the new door we got. We went with a deep red. Very nice color.

After many hours and many coats of paint I went to hang the door. And it just didn't quite work. It fits OK (though a tad small), but the knobs don't line up with strike plates and the hinges and the pre-cut notches for the hinges on the door are way off.

My options are to 1: Move the hinges and make new cuts to move the strike plates; or 2: Replace the entire door jamb. We're looking at going with number 2. While it's a lot more work, the jamb itself is rotting at the bottom and I don't know how much life it has left in it. Better to just replace the whole thing now.

Anyway, that's the fun I got to look forward to.

The Door

Last weekend, my brother-in-law came up with his girlfriend and spent the weekend with us. His kids and ex-wife live in Kentucky and she brought down his his three kids so he could spend time with them. We're sort of the half-way point between the two of them.

So, we spent the weekend with six kids and four adults packed into the house. Though, honestly, this is the first time this has happened that it didn't feel overwhelming. We finally have a home big enough to house a bunch of people.

What does this have to do with a door? I'm getting there. Let me meander.

At some point on Sunday my brother in law yells out to me, "Cullen ... uh, the bottom of your door just fell off."

My first thought is how did he or his boys break my door. I go to the door and the door sweep has come off and there's a lot of rotten wood pieces all around. Apparently the wood framing along the bottom of my front door has dry rotted. It's pretty bad. I though about attempting to replace the wood, but then thought that it would probably be best to replace the door. My wife did some searching and came up with some prices. She also did a post on Craig's List about us looking for a door.

We got a call yesterday afternoon from a lady who refurbishes homes. She said she had about nine doors and we could take our pick -- she'd give us a real good deal. We met her at her storage unit and she did indeed have a stack of doors, all with minor scratches and dents, but most all of them still had their price stickers still in place.

After looking at the door, and much talk, we secured a new steel-core door with glass inset, full-size and twin-size mattresses for $60. It was a great evening.

Now we've got to decide what color to paint it.

Because I'm All About the Guitar V. 2 #3: The Reverend Horton Heat, "Big Dwarf Rodeo"

I have written about the Reverend Horton Heat before in my earliest entries of BIAAtG. They're a great band who put out consistently great music. Jim "Reverend Horton" Heath is one of today's best guitarists. It's not what he plays -- most of that is pretty standard rock, blues and country -- it's how he plays it. There are few guitarists out there that can have as many things going on the fretboard without having to get a second guitarist.

Take a listen to this track off their first album.



The song opens busy with a flurry of guitar work.

Between seconds 14 and 20, notice how many ways he attacks the notes. Six seconds worth of playing and a world of ability.

The Reverend does a lot of instrumentals, but I purposefully didn't chose any of them because I think their strength is in their full-bore songs. Jim's voice is as important to the overall sound as his guitar playing.

He rockets off with a solo at 1:25 and lets you know why he's a well-respected guitarist. Again, it's all within the framework of sounds we're familiar with from years work of rock-and-roll standards, but his subtle spins on where he nitpicks, where he chords and where he jams makes it unique to him.

If you like this song, search for the Rev on You Tube -- it's ripe with Reverend stuff.

Keeping the spooky mood

LOLTHULHU.



Cthulhu Fthagn Cheezburger!

Chuck is awesome

Anyone watching Chuck? Great show. And last night the Asian baddie was played by James Hong. His character's name? Lo Pan.

You might remember James Hong from a movie so full of win it's busting at the seems with awesome: Big Trouble in Little China. His character's name in that movie? Lo Pan.

This show is victory.

OK, that's just cool as hell

I just loves Halloween.

A public service to you

Once again Michele's got the goods as she delivers a post about bad movies. Go there are throw in your two cents.

Inspired by her post, I had to run over to the Internet Movie Archive.

They've got tons of old PSAs. And new ones too.

What has the letter H ever done to you?

I have noticed a trend among broadcast journalists. One that annoys me. It seems that they are systematically attempting to rid us of the "H" sound in our alphabet. When did "human beings" become "youman beings?" What is so hard about pronouncing the "heh" sound before hence, half or humour?

In this post I was going to focus on one thing in particular. This morning on NPR they had a piece on the Neanderthals and how scientists have discovered they had a gene that is key in advanced speech. But the reporters kept referring to them as Neandertals. That got me going. So, I ran in here and jumped on the computer to do some research before posting.

Lo and behold ... even when spelled with the "th," the German pronunciation is with a "tal" sound.

Learn something new every day.

This still doesn't diminsh the fact that we must fight for the right of the aitch!

Because I'm All About the Guitar Volume 2, Number 2: Chet Atkins, "Winter Walkin'"

Chet Atkins is too easily overlooked in many modern guitar conversations. Or those who do talk about him are only throwing his name out there because they've heard his name somewhere or read it in a magazine. Heck, even my wife asks me why I'm listening to elevator music when I'm jamming some Chet (no, I didn't make her get out of the truck).

What people need to realize is that this guy defined guitar hero. Not for modern music. He defined it. Period. The first and the ultimate. There were plenty of jazz guitarists that pre-date him, but Chet had the good fortune to make music in an era when guitar was beginning to dominate his (and other) genres.

Beyond his obvious skill and natural talent, the list of guitarists who list Chet Atkins as their primary influence is enormous. While you may find his music "dated" or, if you're crazy, "wussy" then you really need to think long and hard about just who's the progenitor of that flash-in-the-pan artist that you're listening to.

I chose "Winter Walkin'" because one, it's my favorite Chet Atkins song, and two, it's a great example of his skill.

Click on the link below and follow along with the dissection:

The opens with a "One ... two ... three" set of notes and wastes no time getting right into the meat of the song. Which is good because it's a pretty short tune. The great thing about this is that from the opening, there is no doubt that this song is a winter tune. The key is similar to many Christmas-y songs. The light melody gives one the impression of gentle frolicking.

At 45 seconds, the theme changes. If you imagine lyrics, you can almost picture that this part of the song is where they give council about not playing outside too long. Like the intro is: We're playing and singing and having a good time. This short interlude is: But we have to get inside and get our hot chocolate because it's freaking cold out here.

Near the 1-minute mark, he slowly brings you back into the main theme and reintroduces it with a beautifully slick chord at 1:04.

We go back into the main melody but this time there's a harmony element there as well. It's such a subtle but effective touch. Gives you a great deal of anticipation for the climax. At 1:48, that point hits and it's such a natural progression, you feel it's only right to end here, even though you might restart the song as soon as it's over.

The song wraps with a very classy chord progression from the melody.

This song is available on the Guitar Country/More of That Guitar Country CD through Amazon.

A tooth-chippingly good time

One of the benefits of working in my current job is a compressed work schedule. It means that I work 80 hours in 9 days and get one day off. I chose to take every other Monday as my regular day off. It's been nice. Lets me do things with the family like take my oldest daughter to the dentist.

Saturday, I took my GRE and afterwards the wife and I went out on a date. Our kids were staying at a friend's house. We were going to go hit some shops, do some window shopping, eat out and chill together. We went to a Guitar Center as a first stop and were there all of 10 minutes when our friend called and said that our oldest child had broken a tooth.

We rushed back to find that she'd broken about a quarter off of her front, permanent tooth. Much research into finding a dentist and/or an emergency room ensued. In the end, we wound up waiting until today. She was fine, just a little less toothed.

The dentist we chose (just happened to be the first pediatric dentist on our insurance agent's list) is quite nice, quick and professional. My daughter no longer has a jagged little tooth. She now has a white filling sculpted tooth where one has to look close to see any discoloration. Great job.

Let me tell you, all that nanny-state crap about minding playground equipment and stuff was created because of kids like my daughter. Try get it through to your kids not to break a fall with their face. Not good.

Because Ken did it

Nice. Cool high nerd. None of the stupid "uber" stuff either.

By the way ... did well on the GRE today. Did well enough on the Verbal and Quantitative to get into my graduate program. Now I just have to wait on the Journalism department.

Because WG did it

You Are 59% Genius!

You scored fairly well, but there is room for improvement. It doesn't seem that you are a genius, I'm afraid. Better luck next time.

The Genius Quiz

Well. I'm not a very smart man.

You paid attention during 86% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

B student. Much like high school.

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Whew.

You are 65% Try-Lingual!!

 

WELL, you did get more right answers than you got wrong. You're heading in the right direction. I'll bet you could beat 67% if you gave it one more try!

Foreign Words and Phrases
Create MySpace Quizzes

Yeah, well, I don't really speak any other languages. I just guess well.

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Literate Good Citizen You read to inform or entertain yourself, but you're not nerdy about it. You've read most major classics (in school) and you have a favorite genre or two.
Book Snob
Dedicated Reader
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Hm, pretty accurate there.

The GRE ...

... tomorrow I has it.

Wish me luck.

Don't do anything life-threatening around me, dammit

How will I die? Your Result: You will die while saving someone's life.   The most noble of all deaths. Your rewards will be great in the next life. You are most definitely a humanitarian. If not currently, you will be. To give one's life is a precious moment that will be remembered by friends and family for many decades.
You will die while having sex.
You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
You will be murdered.
You will die in a car accident.
You will die in your sleep.
You will die from a terminal illness.
You will die of boredom.
How will I die? Create a Quiz

Taken from the always opinionated Ricki.

Are good grammar fewer common?

Michele lets everyone know about her apostrophe-diner woes.

The thing she says that resonates most with me is: We wonder why the children have a hard time with spelling and grammar. It's because the adults teaching them aren't much better at it.

This is too true and part of the reason we are homeschooling our kids. When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, her instructor was teaching them about the different parts of a book -- cover, title, and, I swear I'm not making this up, ARTHOR. I can kind of understand this as a verbal foible, but she spelled it this way too. I almost went to my daughter's class the next day to have a conversation with the teacher.

The more I find out about institutionalized education, the more I realize that you have to be very active in ensuring your kids actually learn something.

Pushing Daisies

Anyone else watching this show? I must admit that I fell victim to the aggressive marketing campaign for the show, but I have been enjoying it. This second episode was superior to the first. The set-up show was a bit drawn out but now it feels like they can just get on with the doing.

The one thing this show does that could have easily been a turn-off is that it uses the very popular modern conceit of constant narration. It probably wouldn't have worked if it was a character doing the narration, but since it's just an unknown, disembodied voice, it works quite well. The narration itself is part plot-moving, part explanatory and almost always kitchy. It reminds me less of Scrubs, Desperate Housewives or Dead Like Me and more of the BBC's old Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy miniseries or the movie Toys.

A quick IMDb search shows that the show's creator was also a producer on Dead Like Me, which explains the theme. I have yet to see a connection to Toys, which I find odd, because this show owes a lot to that movie, at least in feel.

If you haven't checked it out, give it a try. If so, what are your thoughts?

Because I'm All About the Guitar Volume 2, Number 1: Chords of Life

Welcome to the revamped, renewed Because I'm All About the Guitar! I have been wanting to breath new life into this series; it was the one thing I could really latch on to and write with passion every time I put thought to page. My problem was that I was running out of ideas. So, this is the new format - every week I'm going to review a song by an accomplished artist. There might be some background information about the musician, depending on who it is, and maybe something about the song. Mainly, it's going to be about why the song I've picked kicks so much ass.

The song is embedded at the end of the post.

This week's song is Chords of Life by Joe Satriani. Satch is one of the most recognized of today's virtuoso guitar players. He taught Steve Vai, Kirk Hammett (Metallica), Larry LaLonde (Primus), George Lynch (Dokken, Lynch Mob) and many others. He is a guiatarist's guitarist.

I picked Chords of Life not only because it's one of my favorite Satriani pieces, but because it illustrates several of the things about his playing that makes him so good.

The first thing you'll notice is that the song automatically sets a mood. It doesn't leave you any room for guessing. Satch knows what he's doing with arrangement and key choice. It's a tentative feel, with a lot of promise.

Next, and most obvious throughout, around 41 seconds, the killer tone. That's probably what Satch is best known for, the amazing depth of his sound. Listen to the melody and the slight tinny sound of the lead guitar. It's almost Telecaster like, but has a resounding depth of a more solid instrument. This isn't the kind of thing that you can fake with effects.

Then the acoustics kick in around second 48 and the lead melody adds yet another subtle layer of depth to its sound. It's no longer tinny, but is obviously the tone. Now its more mellow and at the same time, around 1:03, when the bass and drums kick in, it's more urgent, pleading even. Pay careful attention to the drums in this part of the song, this marching beat seems to counter what the guitar's trying to say, but hear it out.

At 1:24, everything just gels. There's a definite groove and every instrument is in the same zone. Pay close attention to the lead guitar in this passage. Gone are any traces of the tinny or the mellow. This is an assertive, wah wah laden, masculine guitar passage. It's talking loud and clear. Letting its presence be felt. Let's not forget the tempo change either. We're steadily rocking here where before we were slowly building up to this activity.

Around 2:05 we revisit the introductory passage. Notice here that there's a lot more going on in the background than before. The subtle drum click and bass hum. Even the guitar has more authority. It's slight, but it's different. Now, that plaintive wail from the guitar seems more poignant. There's something more behind it, like someone crying for a love lost.

At 2:45 we hit my favorite part of the tune. Again, revisited melody, but this time it's spiritually uplifting instead of song building. Listen to those notes and tell me they don't quicken your pulse or stir your heart. If not, you're not really listening.

As the acoustic guitar comes in again and the lead plays a familiar part, listen closely at how subtly different the lead guitar is. The echo just a bit stronger. The edge just a little more sharp.

Near 3:58 things calm down again after a maelstrom of bluesy genius. We ride out much as we were brought in, on gentle notes, but they're not the same that brought us into the song.

This is one of the best guitar pieces released in the last 10 years. You can't dissect much music this way, nor would you want to. On the surface, this is a cool guitar song. Below that though it tells the story its name implies - the chords of life. We come in struggling and mellow, assert ourselves, make a mark, and leave mellow and struggling again. It can be a beautiful thing when thought about that way. I'm sure there are those that could write songs in this context and make a song nowhere near as pretty or as good. But this is Joe's outlook and his song. And I'm damn glad he wrote it.

More nothing

Blah, blah, blah.

That's what I feel like the majority of my posts have read like since I've moved to Tennessee. I've been thinking about what I can do to help inject some life back into this place. So, starting tomorrow, I'm going to be reintroducing my "Because I'm All About the Guitar" posts. The entries will take on a slightly different twist, which should keep me in material for some time to come.

I've got a BS from Miskatonic U

Words do not exist to explain how happy this makes me.

Who's side are you on?

My wife found this really cool "Candidate Calculator" which helps show which candidate believes as you do on certain issues. I've tried it a few times and keep coming up with Tom Tancredo, though my desired candidate, Fred Thompson, is always number two with a high-80s percentile.

A question for the ages

Chocolate milk: Powder or Syrup?

So far ...

So far, so good. The sciatica seems to be better. I am a tad uneasy saying "gone" or "cured" because I still need to wait a few days to see if it is well and truly better. However, I've had no shooting or pooling pains. Althought the area around the injection site is a bit sore.

More updates coming.

Blocked

Today I had my epidural block. Having seen my wife get edidurals for each of our three children, I was a bit apprehensive, but it was one of the easiest procedures I could have imagined.

Now, I feel better, but the doctor cautioned that pain may return and that it'll be two or three days before I know for certain if it's working. Hopefully all will be well.