Idol liveblog 3/28

UPDATE: Tracey actually has some thoughts on Idol.

UPDATE 2: Dean gives his thoughts.

Songs of the 21st century, any predictions for tonight? I'm actually looking forward to what Shakira and Wyclef Jean have to say. Hopefully the crew will bring it.(But there was no Shakira or Wyclef, the bastards!)

I'm going out on a limb and saying that my pre-show prediction is that Lisa will be on the bottom rung tonight.

Lots of "Love Lisa" banners in the audience ... foreshadowing?

Lisa: Some Kelly Clarkson song I don't know. Starts with a couple of flat notes. Is it just me or is she trying to play an Aaliyah look? Wow, that was her worst performance. Ever. Bad. Flat. Lifeless. Bad.

The talking heads: Randy - Wonka, wonka, not too good. Finally telling the truth. Paula - (Wow, amazing lucidity! Laid off the horse tranq tonight?) Basically saying, "Honey, you fudged up." Simon - The song was too big for you. He nailed it. She wasn't good.

Maybe my prediction was on? We'll see.

Man, Idol continues this season's trait of front loading the suck, Kellie and Ace are next. Color me anticipated, er constipated.

I am quite upset that they don't have the stars giving them little bits of advice along the way. I was really, really looking forward to hearing Wyclef's POV on some of these singers. I have some respect for the dude, it would have been interesting. Bastard producers.

Kellie: Another song I don't know. Der her, it's the Britney Spears marriage fantasy song! Pt. 1 anyway.

Well, honestly, her vox don't suck. This is her world. But it's not great. Not anything that you can't hear at any karaoke bar across the States. Her voice fluctuated a bit painfully here and there at the end. Still, she's got a following and you can hear it in the crowd.

Randy: Like your roots, but why would you sing something that monodynamic, oh yeah, that's because you are monodynamic. Paula: Still lucid! Wow! Simon: You idiot. Why are you wasting my time.

Kellie: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sounds like a secretary who messed up the collating of some huge assignment.

Ace: Drops of Jupiter, I love this song and he's killing it! Man, he may be worse than Lisa. There's no emotion in it. He's playing the crowd with his eyes and not his talent. Ugh, there was that damn Michael Jackson inhale crap.

Very not impressed. He's flat. Then sharp. Then flat. I think he might have been on key once or twice the entire performance. The crowd, predictably, doesn't care.

Randy: Man, you have all sucked so far. Paula: I love you *twinkle* so I'm not going to say anything bad 'cause you're a star, "LOVE ME! LOVE ME!" Simon: Oh, just pay him for the night, Paula. Why did you choose a song you can't sing? Oh, maybe because you can't sing.

Ace: I'm sticking to my guns and gonna be in the bottom three again.

Thank God! Taylor and Mandisa are next.

Taylor: The little intro is trite, but cool. I love the guy. I'm biased. He's doing Trouble. Another song I don't know. I like the slower groove.

Having to put your hand up to check your intonation is not a great thing, Taylor. However, he has been in key the whole song, which is more than the three guys before him can say.

Great, great job. A little bothered by the hand check thing, but he did a great job and had no real spastic fits.

Randy: Wasn't a great song, you didn't get to show off. Paula: I agree (more lucidity! Is her new karate man bringing her back to life?) Simon: He likes it! He likes it! But when Simon criticizes the style, you might want to keep doing it.

Ryan pops out a great bust comparing Simon to Kelly Clarkson. Damn funny.

Mandisa: Very anticipated. Oh, starting it off big. She owns this audience and stage. However, her voice doesn't really adapt to the quick stocatto vocals -- she's got too much vibrato in her voice for that. However, once she gets to drag out the notes a bit she's really on. The best so far.

Too doggone short. Just as I was getting into it, it was over. Man, she makes you want more.

Randy: What the hell is up his ass? Randy's not liking anything tonight. Paula: 40 million people have joined the church of Mandisa. Simon: Thought it was indulgent ... hmm, perhaps. But it was damn good, indulgent or no.

Chris Daughtry and Katharine McPhee up next. Hopefully they can cut tonight's stagnation. I mean, I thought Taylor and Mandisa gave the performances, but the judges seem to be in such a funk because of the first three deliverers of suck.

Chris Daughtry: Busts right out with the owning up to the Live version of Walk the Line. I'm glad he did that. Owning up to it. I think he did a good job anyway. Doing Creed tonight. Hmm. Guess it's all right. I'm not a big Creed fan. Maybe if he put some cotton in his mouth to chew up the lyrics like Creed's singer does.

Here's a problem when you're really good and you sing someone's stuff who is not that good. It doesn't sound right. Creed's singer half-mumbles his lyrics and is almost always flat. But Chris wasn't. He rocked it on key and very lucidly.

Randy: You were sharp (because he's used to the f*d up version); Paula: Eff me, Chris; Simon: Stop doing the same thing every week.

So, Simon wants Chris to stop being a one-trick Pony. That's perhaps a fair criticism.

Katharine: Doing Christina, ouch, she starts poor. She's not on at all. Where is her voice? Oh my GOD! It's bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! Not only is this the worst I've heard her sing. This is the worst performance tonight. As Simon would say, it's too big a song for her. It's way evident. She was sharp, flat, nowhere in between, runniing up a hill and falling in a well. Wow, that sucked.

Randy: I'm a fan and not telling the truth. Paula: Drugs. Kicking. In. Hearing. Gone. She thinks Christina would be proud. What. The. Hell. Simon: The best tonight. Almost as good as Christina.

Good effing lord, did these people hear the same freaking song I did? What the hell? I'm no fan of Xtina, but I've heard the damn song many, many times. I mean, who hasn't all you have to do is stand still long enough and that freaking song finds you. Xtina is a hell of a singer though. She can play subtle and knows when to belt it out. Katharine didn't know when to do any of this. She was all over the place like she really didn't know when to hit what note.

I wonder. I wasn't watching her sing, I was listening. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Bucky: Back in his element with a Tim McGraw song. Again, not much better than open mic night at the local pub. It's not bad, but it's not THE American Idol good. The cowboy hat is a good addition though.

Randy: Definitely the right place for you. Paula: Be careful with your diction. Simon: Thinks it was okay, but wasn't impressed.

Fair assessment.

Paris: Does Beyonce -- playing the audience, okay ... here's my problem with little Paris, you can hear the jazz wanting to come out in her voice. She can't stop it. It's great when she's belting out the Billie Holiday or Ella Fitzgerald, but it doesn't quite work here. However, her bad is better than everyone else tonight. She delivers even though I was annoyed at the beginning. High energy and she never dropped a note.

Randy: Fearless, the bomb, you're turning me into a pedophile. Paul: You're good. Simon: I thought it was precocious. It was like a little girl pretending to be Beyonce.

Again, I was listening, not watching, so that might have been the case from the dancing. But the singing was dead on.

Elliot: Ooh, a guy's rocking it tonight. This is his best performance in quite some time. So far, the best male performance of the evening. Great, great vox. Dead on. Finally.

Randy and Paula are loving it. First time they've drooled like they were last week over everything. Simon: Great song, horrible arrangement, good vox. Well, that works.

All right: I paid really close damn attention to the recap at the end just to make sure I wasn't off in my opinion of Katharine like I was last week. But no. She sucked. What the hell were they hearing?

Summation: If it wasn't for shows like last week, I would give up after tonight. Seriously, if I didn't have this much invested, I would just let it go. I am sorely disappointed by the entirety of the show. A couple of good performances just don't make up for mostly mediocre ones.

My choices for bottom 3: Bucky, definitely; Lisa, highly likely; Katharine should be there, should, but it'll probably be Ace.