1. "Damn bifocals. Idiots ARE closer than they appear." - Shannon
2. "Yes, now that I look closely I see you are indeed a walking, talking rectum, Ms. Thomas." - Mr. Bingley
3. That was the last time anyone from the UN dared to challenge Captain Kangaroo. - Nightfly
Honorable mention because I was a big fan of the show:
"I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head! " - ricki
Thank you all for participating. In honor of heavy metal week, this week's captionable enty is:

So, there's your entry. Caption winners will be announced next Saturday.
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