Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I'm trying to start a meme, steal it dammit!

The Sun has a silly little piece on Keira Knightley:

Keira: I must have a snog
Sun Online

BRITISH beauty Keira Knightley has revealed she wants to have a clause written into her movie contracts - to ensure she always gets a snog with her leading man.
The brunette babe is currently working on Pirates Of The Caribbean 2; 3 alongside
Johnny Depp – but is disappointed she doesn't get to share a kiss with the US hunk.
When asked if she considered demanding a snog Keira told Company magazine: "I wish I'd thought of that, but, sadly, no.
"In five years' time I'll be like, 'I’m sorry, I need to be guaranteed a snog with my leading man. Write it into my contract!'"

So, silly, young actresses aside, if you had star power, if you were MOVIE ROYALTY, what kind of ludicrous clauses would you write into your contracts?

After giving this a little thought, I have come up with 5 things, in no particular order, that I would contractually require to be in a movie:

1. A year's supply of Spam. I think this speaks for itself. Sometimes you shoot in off-the-wall places and if something bad happens, I want to have provisions ready.
2. Regardless of movie type, I must deliver the following line at least once in a movie: "No, I have never been to Azerbaijan. But I have been to the moon." Preferably, I would like this to be said more than once, and the script has to be rewritten to make it make sense.
3. In the same vein as #2, my female lead must deliver the following line no less than five times in the movie, twice at the premiere and daily on the set: "You look really good in that clown suit." Again, the script writer must make it make sense in the context of the film. My personal assistant will take care of the other times.
4. A pet llama. Don't ask.
5. A pet koala bear for my llama. Okay, okay ... I've always wanted to see a koala bear ride a llama. I don't know if I'll keep this in the contract. I think after seeing it once I might change my mind. Ooh, maybe a midget and a tiger in the next one.

So, howsabout you?

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